Fear
by MissDeidara
Summary: Jaejoong has a lot of phobia...A lot. But will these phobias disappear when he meet Jung Yunho? YunJae/BOYxBOY
1. CRY

My name is Kim Jaejoong, I am a 17 years old boy.

I'm suffering of achluophobia, agliophobia, agyrophobia, ailurophobia, altophobia, anuptaphobia, cainotophobia, catoptrophobia, ceraunophobia, clinophobia, dishabiliophobia, enissophobia, ligyrophobia, mastigophobia, necrophobia, gerontophobia and virginitiphobia. Plus, I have a slight case of paranoia and dependent personality disorder. Everyone left me. Only one person accepted and helped me. This is the man I love.

**- CRY-**

-Jaejoong POV-

The only thing I could hear was some men talking in the other room. I couldn't hear clearly, but they were certainly talking about me. As I got closer to the door so I could listen, I heard a loud door slamming, making me shiver.

_Ligyrophobia_

I cringed myself, taking my head between my hands, trying to make the noises disappear. Then I heard some steps coming toward me. I lifted my head up and, with my teary eyes, I saw my father. He was looking at me with a disgusted look. But the word "disgust" wasn't strong enough to describe it…_Contempt_. That's it; he was looking at me with _contempt_. But I couldn't blame him. Who wouldn't**?**

-You're a waste. A total waste. Do you even realise how it feels like to have a useless son like you**? **

I lowered my head, still sitting on the floor, as he was approaching me.

-I just met someone who was interested into this job. Of course, when we told him about all your phobias, he refused to take it. He's the fifth person to decline this week. Nobody wants to take care of a mental patient like you!

-STOP IT!

Now that was enough. Enough to launch another crisis. And it was my entire fault.

-Listen carefully, useless kid. We're tired of this. This is the last night that me, your mom and your sister are staying with you. We will meet someone else tomorrow. If he declines the job, you'll have to stay alone for the rest of your life.

_Alone__**?**_

Tears started to flow down my cheeks, obtaining a loud sigh from my father who was standing in front of me.

_Anuptaphobia_

-I…Don't want to be alone…

-If you weren't insane, that wouldn't happen.

He left my room, closing the door roughly behind him. I could hear my mother crying in the living room. Once again, it was entirely my fault. Everything was my fault. My father was right, I was a waste.

I climbed on my bed and stared at the ceiling. The white plain ceiling. I couldn't stop crying. I stayed like that for about five hours, repeating non-stop…

-I don't want to be alone…I don't want to be alone…

5:00h

I'm still lying on my bed. I couldn't sleep at all.

7:00h

I hear some noises coming from the kitchen. That's probably my sister who's going to school. I envy her…A lot.

9:00h

I can hear my parents waking up.

12:00h

My mom brings me dinner. She smiles at me but doesn't say anything. I admire her. I wish I could cook, too.

13:00h

Someone is knocking at the door. I'm still in my room but I can hear my parents opening the door and greet someone.

13:30h

The door of my room gets opened and I can see my father coming in with a wide smile.

-That's our son, Jaejoong.

A tall black haired man approached me with a fake smile scotched on his handsome face. I immediately understood that he was trying to make me feel comfortable, and it would have worked if I wasn't so accustomed to that kind of hypocrisy. I hate sympathy.

-Hi, Jaejoong. How are you**?**

I turned around to look at the wall. The white plain wall. Seeing that I wasn't about to answer, the man sat on my bed and spoke again, this time slower.

-I am Jung Yunho. I will take care of you while your parents are abroad.

Abroad**? **I looked at my mom with a questioning look. She lowered her head, staring shamefully at the floor. "I see…They lied so they wouldn't look like bad parents."

-I am very glad to meet you, Jaejoong.

He reached me his hand, still smiling. Not knowing what to do with it, I opened my mouth and engulfed his fingers, looking at him with big innocent eyes. After a moment of disbelieve, my dad ran toward me and pushed me rudely.

-Jaejoong! What on earth are you thinking**?**

I lowered my head, pouting.

-I saw that in a movie…

Ignoring my answer, my dad turned quickly to the other man and apologized repeatedly. But the man didn't look shocked at all. He just smiled, saying there was no need to apologize.

-Well, if it's okay with you, I think it's time that me and my wife leave…We wouldn't like to miss the flight!

He said this last sentence by looking at me with a contemptuous look in his eyes. But I knew the truth. They just wanted to leave me the fastest they could. My mom kissed me lightly on the forehead and they left me alone with an almost unknown man. I knew I would never see them again…But what could I do**? **When they closed the door, the man looked at me. He was still smiling.

-So, tell me Jaejoong…Mind to tell me a little bit about yourself**?**

I looked at him with the most innocent expression I could make and I raised my half closed hand in front of my face.

-I'm a kitty.

-Oh, really**? **So that's why you tried to bite my hand earlier**?**

-No, I'm a good kitty. I don't bite people.

He looked at me with an amused smile. I frowned and asked him something I kept thinking about since a while now.

-Why are you always smiling**?**

-Why not**?**

-Dunno, it's just weird…

-It's not!

-You're hot.

-…What**?**

I giggled and kissed his right cheek softly.

-I like you.

-Why**?**

-Because you're hot!

-That's not a good reason!

He pinched my cheek and I caught myself laughing. I stopped quickly and looked at him with a surprised look.

-What…What just happened**?**

He smiled at me warmly and caressed the cheek he just pinched.

-It's called laughter, Jaejoong.

-It felt good…Make me "laughter" again!

-Alright! Are you ticklish, Jaejoong**?**

I didn't have time to answer as I felt his fingers tickling my armpits. I couldn't stop laughing. But this time it felt weird, it was painful in my ribs, I felt like I was about to launch an _agliophobia_ crisis. As my breath accelerated, he immediately stopped, understanding it wasn't a good idea.

-Oh, I'm sorry…I should have known…

He rose up and set himself into a sitting position. He scratched the back of his head and turned his head, still avoiding looking at me. I waited…Waited for him to say something, to smile at me or even look at me…But he didn't. It was enough to launch a crisis.

_Enissophobia_

It started with little sobs; it always start like that. Then I started to cry louder…And louder…And he finally dared to look at me.

-J-Jaejoong! You're crying! What's wrong**?**

I enjoyed seeing his worried face, I really did. But it wasn't satisfying enough to make me feel any better. I cried my heart out, almost screaming in front of his now even more worried face. Using the hoarsest voice ever, I tried to apologize.

-I…am sorry…I am sorry…I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!

I was now screaming at him. As I was waiting for him to say something, he didn't say anything…He squeezed me in his strong arms, caressing my back.

- Jaejoong…What are you apologizing for**? **You didn't do anything wrong!

-I'm sorry…I- I made you feel uncomfortable…And now you must think that I'm crazy, you must think that you won't be able to do anything fun with me because I will always cry and scream at you like I just did, making you feel even more uncomfortable although I just wanted to tell you I was sorry, but now it's even worse, I am so useless, I am so sorry! I'm sorry!

I cried in his arms non-stop for about one hour; probably the shortest crisis I ever had. It must have been because of his reassuring and protective arms, or the way he caressed my hair…I don't know, but it felt good…Really good.

-END

_Ligyrophobia: Fear of loud noises_

_Anuptaphobia: Fear of being alone_

_Enissophobia: _Fear of having committed something unpardonable


	2. FEEL

**- FEEL-**

This morning, when I woke up, I was pretty confused. I found myself lying on my bed peacefully, with the lights off, wearing nothing but a slip, with another man that I practically didn't know. Now that was not only confusing, but also scary…Very scary.

_Clinophobia_

_Achluophobia_

_Dishabiliophobia_

_Virginitiphobia_

I stoop up rapidly, covering myself with the white, plain blanket. I saw the eyes of the other man slowly opening.

-W-What did you…Why am I half naked**? **You undressed me after drugging me**? **You…You tried to rape me, didn't you**?**

-Jae, calm down, I just…

Blank.

I could only hear a sound of clapping; I couldn't see anything because of my teary eyes. Wait, did I just…slap him**?**

-Aish…J-Jae, I…

-DON'T FUCKING CALL ME LIKE THAT!

_Slap._ I slapped him a second time, this time harder. Then I just screamed. I don't know why, but I screamed. A long, loud scram. "Jae"…He gave me a nickname…I couldn't help being angry at him. Who wouldn't**? **My reaction was absolutely normal…Right**?**

I looked at him. He had a hand on his cheek, looking at me with sad eyes. Why is he looking at me like that**? **Maybe he's feeling bad because he actually raped me**? **Of course…I knew I was right.

-I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! DON'T EVER DARE TALKING TO ME ANYMORE!

-Jae…!

Blank again.

I just hit him in the face with a metallic padlock. Haha. That must be a dream or something. It can't be real. I'm a good boy; I don't hurt people…Right**?**

-Yunho…Look at me. You're not really bleeding…Are you**?**

No answer. I climbed on my bed so I could get closer to him and I hugged him tightly.

-You bastard. I know you're not bleeding. You're trying to trick me, right**? **Haha! Look, I'm laughing! Isn't that what you taught me yesterday**?**

I felt tears flowing down my cheeks, but I didn't make any sound. I hugged even more tightly and whispered.

-You won't die, right**?**

_Necrophobia_

-Tell me you won't die or I'll kill you!

He laughed softly and took my face between his hands.

-Isn't that a bit contradictory**?**

-You jerk! Why are you bleeding**? **I didn't really hit you, right**?**

He looked down, with a compassionate look before looking at me again with a fake smile.

-Of course not! It's fake blood.

-…R-Really**?**

-Really. You didn't do anything wrong…Okay**?**

I sniffed and looked into his eyes with the saddest eyes he probably ever seen.

-Okay. I like you. I forgive you for raping me, because you're hot.

He gave me the most beautiful smile in the world; image that I won't ever forget.

-I know, I'm hot.

-Are you a narcissist, Yunho**?**

-No, I'm not. But I can recognize someone who's hot and someone who's not.

-Am I hot, Yunho**?**

-You're not "hot", Jaejoong. You're beautiful. That's different.

-Do you want to make love to me**?**

He looked surprised for an instant, staring at me without saying anything.

-No. I can't do that, Jaejoong.

-Why not**? **Didn't you just say I was beautiful**? **Don't you want to make love to a beautiful person**?**

-Love isn't about being beautiful, Jaejoong.

-Hmm…Would you like it better if I was a woman**? **I could pretend to be a girl, if you want. I could wear a dress, and putting on make-up.

-Love isn't about gender, Jaejoong.

-Then what is love**?**

-Love is when it feels good to be with a certain person, when your heart start beating faster every time you see that person, no matter the age, the gender, the race…

-I think I love you, Yunho.

-Don't say that.

-Why**? **You don't love me**? **It's okay you know, I saw that in a movie.

He squeezed me a little and looked right in my eyes, making me blush.

-What did you see in a movie**?**

-There was a girl who was in love with a man, but the man didn't like her.

-Really**? **What happened, then**?**

-They slept together. See**? **It's okay if you don't like me, we can still do it.

-Jaejoong…Could you tell me what happened after they slept together**?**

-Well, the guy left.

-And how did the girl felt about it**?**

-She was sad. She cried.

-See**?**

We looked in each other eyes for a moment, I didn't understand what he really meant but I understood something that felt painful in my heart.

-So you don't love me**?**

-Jaejoong…I think you don't know the real meaning of love.

-But…

-I'll be glad to teach you.

-R-Really**?**

He ruffled my hair and smiled at me. I blushed and heard some steps coming over my room. Yunho looked at me with questioning eyes.

-Oh, It's only the butler.

As I mentioned him, the butler entered in my room. He smiled when he saw Yunho.

-Hi! You must be Yunho.

-Hum, yeah…

-I am Junsu! It's nice to meet you!

They shook hands and Junsu looked back at me.

-Do you like him, Jaejoong**? **He's taking good care of you**?**

I hugged Yunho's arm and smiled back at Junsu.

-Yes…I hope one day he'll marry me!

They both looked surprised at first and then started laughing at the same time, not understanding that I was death-serious.

"Just wait Jaejoong…First I have to teach you what love is." thought Yunho.

-END

_Clinophobia : Fear of going to bed  
_

_Achluophobia : Fear of night/dark  
_

_Dishabiliophobia : Fear of undressing in front of someone  
_

_Virginitiphobia : Fear of being raped  
_


End file.
